Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
