I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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