Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
