I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
