You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
