I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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