Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
