so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you had me at cake vodka
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
