they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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