Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
