The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
