Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
