She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
