Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
