he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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