Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
