I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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