I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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