I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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