i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
