I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
