dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
