Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
