kristin has been a bad kristin
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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