When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
