You made me cry and you don't even care
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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