It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
