hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize