it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
