I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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