Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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