Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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