Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
