I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
