pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
