so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
