I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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