Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize