How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
