I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
