I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize