Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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