I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
