I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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