I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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