Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
