I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
