i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We left the knife in your bed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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