I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
