I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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