Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
