yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
