This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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