oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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