I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
