A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
