I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Pants are for mortals
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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