you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
