can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
