i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
