Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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