Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
