y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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