I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
