Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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