In the future we'll all be gay
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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