dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
