Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
