am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
